“Potty Language” by Crystal (Bountiful, Utah)

Many years ago I served a mission for my church in South Korea.  I had to slowly and painstakingly learn Korean to the best I could to best help serve the people there.  Before the big voyage overseas I went to a training center for 12 weeks to try to learn the what I could in that time and then I was off; which basically means I could say some broken things such as “May I use the bathroom?” or “Heavenly Father loves you.” You get the point.
Well it was with this vast knowledge that I had that I ventured out into the world of Korea.  I had a sweet Korean companion and within the first few weeks of being there we had been invited over to eat dinner with a nice family.  They lived in a relatively small apartment with two bedrooms and one common area with a kitchen.  It happened that in my time being there I was able to use one of those handy dandy aforementioned phrases and off to the bathroom I went.  The wife followed me close behind and to my surprise introduced me to my first bidet.  The thing is before this very moment I had never once seen or heard of such a thing.  I remember thinking, “Wow, what a fancy, technical toilet,” as it was electronic.  She proceeds to point to the different buttons and tell me what they are…Now I can say things, but understanding anything was pretty foreign at that point.  I assumed she was showing me how to flush this fancy contraption.  Well, I finish my business, get everything readjusted, and press the button.  To my shock, a little nob emerges from the back of the toilet and starts squirting water, quite forcibly, all over the bathroom door. The door that is right next to where everyone is sitting!  I was too stunned to do anything but watch it happen..and partly disgusted too..I didn’t know what that was, I mean I had a good guess at that point. And I most definitely didn’t know how I would explain myself.  I grabbed a towel, which was minuscule, and cleaned it all up the best that I could. Luckily, they all kind of figured out what happened and accepted my apology, which I was able to say.